unlimited money for a limited time

Leon sat at his cheap table in the dining room sorting through the daily mail. “Molly…Is the coffee on yet? I’ve got to get going. My shift starts early today.” Leon slit open the envelope he had been saving till last. He had never gotten a certified letter from United Mine Workers Credit Union in the past. Whatever it was, and Leon firmly believed that new things were seldom good, he didn’t want it.

“Leon, do I ever send you out of the house without your coffee? Leon, did you hear me? Leon!” She walked into the room from the kitchenette. “Here you go.” He kept his head buried in the letter. “Leon, what’s wrong?”

“This can’t be right Molly. The bank sent us this letter about our checking account. There’s been a mistake.” Beads of sweat appeared on his head, and he dabbed them away with his already damp handkerchief.

“Oh my. Did we go over again? I thought we had enough in there for the mortgage. How bad is it Leon? Are we going to be alright?”  She came around the table and put the cup and saucer of coffee on the table. The two dishes clattered against each other until she let go. She always shook when her stress was bad. The docs said the shaking was a side effect of her treatment.

Leon snaked a hand around his wife’s waist. “Come here you sassy girl.” Molly pulled away. “You tell me what’s going on this instant!”

“Molly…We’re rich.” The words barely made it out of his mouth. “The mistake is in our favor. Some bank in the UK called HSBC Holdings deposited all of their assets into our account. Can you believe it? It says here that it comes to over 3 billion dollars.”

“But it’s not our money is it? They’ll want it back I expect” Molly tucked her hands under her chin when she was trying to think things through quickly.

Leon glanced at her and then back to the letter. “You’re right, but since they are in the UK and we’re in the US. They can’t take it back right away. Something about customs and international laws regarding ‘hostile money transfers of amounts over 50 million dollars.’ Our bank says, we have about 48 hours to spend as much as we can before what’s left goes back to wherever it came from.”

“Oh Leon. It’s a miracle! Do you think we should ring the paper? They might want to do a piece on this. I wonder if it would be on the front page. What are we going to do first?”

Leon stood up slowly. He turned slowly looking at the wood paneled walls of the cramped room where he had eaten breakfast every day for 15 years. His wife’s porcelain dolls lined the shelves. He saved a little money out of each check so that he could buy her a new one each Christmas. Ugly things, but they made his wife’s face light up with joy. The look on her face when she unwrapped new one was precious to him. She’d spend weeks dotting on it making sure it was in just the right place.

The smile on his face faded “I’ll tell you what we are going to do. You’re going to pour my coffee to go, and I’m going to get to work. I’m late. Pray they don’t dock me the hour. We need the money.”

“You’re crazy! You don’t have to go to work anymore. We need to go out! The Buick is on its last leg, and we need to order heating oil. What about Jenny’s tuition? We need to buy you a new...” *SLAP*  Leon stared at his hand, and the tears welling up in his wife’s eyes.

“I’m so sorry Molly. I’ve never. ….  Can’t you see….” He thrust his arms through his West Virginia Miners jacket.  “Listen to me. This is no miracle, it’s a goddamn curse and we aren’t telling a soul. We aren’t going to spend a penny, and in 48 hours we are going to pretend that this never happened. I should burn this letter. NOW GET MY COFFEE.”

Molly stood dazed as he flew around the house getting the last of his things for work. She didn’t seem to notice when he snatched the thermos of coffee from her.  As he opened the back door to leave, something clicked. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his check “Be safe in the mines today. I love you.” She whispered.

“I’m sorry.” He said and left.

004

The Basement lights of the old Baptist church turned on and off twice beckoning people to the circle. “C’mon everyone. It’s time to start” Jerry scanned over the room as people shuffled from the coffee machine and door towards the ring of chairs.

“Welcome back to those of you who have been with us before, and I see a lot of new faces tonight too.” Jerry looked over the 10 people sitting around him. Nine were clutching their Styrofoam coffee cups staring at the liquid as if the cups were some kind of emotional life preserver. And then there was Bobby, he had already moved his chair back five feet out from the circle. At least he’s in the room this week. Jerry thought.

Jerry locked eyes with him. “Bobby, good to see you. Since you’ve been here before, would you be willing to review the rules for everyone?”

“It’s cause I don’t have a cup. That’s why you asked me. Isn’t it?” Bobby said as he stood up.

Jerry chuckled, “I suppose you’re right. You might want to try and grab one next week. Are you willing to go over the rules?”

“I guess I got no reason not to.” Bobby cleared his throat. “First rule of Overcoming Odd Phobias….Don’t talk about Overcoming Odd Phobias.” He snorted and paused. Everyone else just stared at him. “Aww c’mon. Just because we meet in a church doesn’t mean we can’t have a laugh. Anyway, the rules are you say your name, your phobia, and what it means. Oh and all phobias are created equal.”

“Thanks Bobby. Since you are already standing, why don’t you go first.”

“Fine. My name’s Bobby, I have hygrophobia, which is fear of liquid. Actually, it’s just coffee that freaks me out, and you’ll are making my life hard tonight.”

Mr. Pack jiggled his cup sloshing a little coffee onto the floor. “Watch out now.” The group chuckled and Jerry stood up quickly “Mr. Pack… why don’t you go next.”

His smile disappeared as he stood. “I’m Mr. Pack and you all can call me Mr. Pack. I have Keraunothnetophobia which is the fear of a satellite falling on me.” THUD! Peeking out from the arms he had instinctively thrown up in front of his face he sneered “Was that you Bobby?”

“Haha. That was a close one Mr. Pack, but just my shoe this time”

“I guess I deserved that.”  He said as he sat down.

Jerry tried to frown but couldn’t help but let the side of his mouth creep up. “Guys. Cut each other some slack here. I’m glad you all have such good senses of humor. Now, anyone new want to go. I promise those two will behave.” He eyed them both till they each nodded.

The hand of a slim young man crept into the air. You could see the slight tremor as he held it there. “Perfect” Jerry said. “Go ahead.”  The young man stood looking awkward. His t-shirt hung past his knees, and his legs looked oddly swollen.

“My name is Nathan. I have developed medectophobia or the fear of people being able to see…” He clammed up. “you know… people being able to see my… my manhood.” His eyes darted around the room searching for the snickers that usually followed when he told people about his fear, but everyone was just nodding with empathy.

“It wasn’t really a problem till I started wearing extra clothes to make sure it, my peter,” He blushed and cleared his throat “to make sure my dick was hidden. Now I’m wearing 4 pairs of pants and 2 long shirts just to make sure that I’m properly covered. Anything less and my world crumbles. I know it’s dumb, but that’s the way it is.” He stood there looking at Jerry and the others waiting for the humiliation to start. It always did.

The group just smiled. Not the usual OMG you’re a freeeeak smiles that were oh so common. They’d all seen those in the past. No, these were generous smiles. Smiles that said welcome home.

*all characters in this story are fictional 

002

Jenny’s breath caught in her throat. It was always like this. He had a knack for showing up at odd times when you too busy trying to tell students about the difference between a birch trees and maples. He wasn’t dangerous. It’s just that he was so wild. He didn’t fit in the modern world. Living out here all on his own on his land. She’d seen the run down shack he called home. She knew that there were different women staying with him each week. She even heard him say once that buried his money in glass pint jars all around land so “the gov’t wont git it.” And she believed him.

All of those things didn’t matter that much. Without him, Glenwood Elementary students would have nowhere to go to learn about the natural world. His undeveloped 100 acres were the most nature most of her students would see this year, but he wasn’t part of the lesson plan. His oddities could cause headaches. Please have a shirt on this time Jenny thought to herself, but she knew that he would be bare chested.  It was his way. Ok, at least let him be alone, or if his girlfriends are with him…let them have their shirts on.

A stray breeze rattled through the leaves brining her back to the moment. She turned around looked at the ten wide eyed 3^rd graders staring at the man up the path. Complete terrors 5 minutes ago, but now meager chicks. She felt a clammy hand grab hers for reassurance. Jenny turned on her confidence. “Student’s we have good fortune today. Mr. Indian Joe has come to say hello. Remember, be polite and don’t stare.”

She took a deep breath “Let’s not be shy. We need to say hi.” Squaring her shoulders she walked up the path to the man holding a shovel.

“Hello there Mr. Indian Joe! What luck to see you today.” Jenny pasted a smile onto her face.

“Didja take em by the swamp?” Indian Joe said as he lean against an old oak.

“Oh no sir. You asked us to stay away from that part. We just appreciate you letting us come learn about tree today. Isn’t that right students?”

Jenny saw a few mesmerized heads nod.

“Well, I come to tell ya to go past there on ya way back to the bus.” He flicked a twig out of his chest hair. “Da fall Turk Tiger Lillys are in full bloomin. You won’t neer forget the sight.”

“That sounds so nice.” Jenny said. Everything seemed to going well enough. She turned to her students. Can anyone tell Mr. Indian Joe about what you learned here today?” No one volunteered any answers.

When she turned back to apologize for their shyness, he was already walking around the bend. Too wild to stick around.

001

"You know what they say Doc....We all make mistakes," Danny opened his wide mouth and let out a bark of a laugh. 

"Mmm hmmm..." Doc Jones didn't look up from the chart. "Hep C is a hell of a mistake friend." He spun around on his swivel stool to face the computer and punched a few keys. 

"Yeah, but that's why I'm here. You just scribble down the name of the drug that cures this, and I'll swing by the pharmacy. I'll purge this thing out quicker than I hump. Like I told you earlier, I've never had a problem taking meds." 

Danny waited for Doc to turn around, but he just kept staring at the computer screen.  "DOC!" 

Doc Jones' snapped round with a plastic smile. "I'm sorry, say again."

"You know what I mean. right doc? Just give those meds I was telling about. The ones that Bobby Jo took when he got in trouble from using needles."

"Yeaah, since I didn't treat Bobby Jo, I can't tell you what he took. What I can tell you is that your Hep C isn't something new. The amount to those shitty viruses swimming through through your blood right now is  shocking. Your liver is shot. Probably a combination of drug use,alcohol use, and the virus. I'd put you on an antiviral, but since you are still drinking and using along with your depression I just can't risk it. Like I said earlier...You made one hell of a mistake."

Danny mouth opened a few times.

Doc jumped into the silence "Great, since you have no questions. I'd like to see you back in 6 months so we can track any additional changes."

Numbed, Danny picked up his coat and mumbled, "yeah, thanks doc...6 months." and shuffled to the door. 

As he exited, Doc boomed out "and Danny, stop drinking. It be a hell of  mistake to keep drinking."